It's
been several days past since the "incident" happened and most of the
deck crew (or the entire deck crew) think I'm the bad guy. In fact the
treatment I had been receiving had changed overnight , that people here look at
me with utter hostility., I don’t blame them nor even had malaise on why they
had to treat me differently, I had already expected this to happened when I
started my hostilities with Pump man Romy Carnaje.
I
did what I had to do just to show that I cannot be bullied or harassed
onboard., even if it results in me being Physically hit and being framed as the
bad guy. After all that's Pump man Romy Carnaje's specialty - full of foul
poisonous words , typical of Filipino seafarer's of the old .
The
only guy on my side at the moment is O.S. Gener Dalida , who is somehow
sympathetic to my cause , but sometimes he acts very erratic and cunning that I
sometimes wonder and doubt on what side he is. For the safe bet and my safety I
have to withhold some information, until I can really determine on which side
he is. For now I also need to be very careful on my words, I cannot afford to make any mistake on this
situation , too much is at risk, like losing my life, or the thought of being
murdered onboard by any one of the crew member especially if Pump man Carnaje
keeps bragging behind my back at the crew mess , when I'm not around that he
will one day plan to murder me when we get back in the Philippines (death
threats).
This
death threats really add more paranoia and anxiety to my mental health, knowing
full well on how rotten seafarers are especially Filipino seafarers. The
paranoia and anxiety I'm experiencing is really severe that I'm solidly
believing that someone out there is out to get me. As a result ., I'm just
basically confined on my cabin almost all the time ., and are just out when I'm
working , going for breakfast , lunch or dinner. Even on coffee breaks I don’t
go out for fear of my safety., I just basically sit my ass inside the cabin out
of fear. I never even leave my cabin unlocked , it's always lock because of
paranoia of sabotage .
The
only thing I can solidy trust as of this moment is this journal and my sister
who is way back in the Philippines. Anything else is questionable and I simply
cannot take that risk , the risk is simply too great. I'd Manage ,
I
HAVE TO MANAGE , I don’t plan on dying here and be murdered by some rotten
filipino seaman
