Had so much
anxiety that I couldn't think straight of what to do about my new assignments,
and I had nothing to blame but myself over it. If there is anything I find
relieving about my situation is the fact that at least , I had only one month
left before I go home and my dread won't be that long. In the meantime I had to
endure and sit tight on this horror show.
As a
preparation (and out of anxiety) , I had to be prudent and be at the bridge as
early as 8pm, to listen over the "turnover" details my fellow A.B's
had to say. Had to carefully pay attention to every detail they had to say, as
like my life depend on it otherwise I'm crispy toast.
3rd Mate
Vergel Acebo showed me around on the bridge and told me the stuff that really
mattered. I wished I had more time to familiarize myself around more and see
stuff - not on this emergency situation like these. "Vergel" told me
about my predicament that most of the crew doubt my abilities being at the helm
let alone handling of the work as an Unofficial A.B. , He added as well my most
recent foul up during mooring time (which I mention on the entry "Trouble
at the home front" ) , he said it on other peoples perspective, I told
explained to him what really happened and on my perspective.
I thank 3rd
Mate Vergel Acebo about being honest in my situation, I told him that I myself
isn't that confident regarding my skill and wanted to withdraw being an acting
A.B. even if I had to beg right of front of the Bulgarian captain ,
"Vergel" said that if I plan
that to withdraw now - its already been too late for me at the moment and that
he already passed the paper. So in other words I'm terribly pinned down and
trapped. He said that if I plan to back out at least give it a shot first.
At 12
midnight my work shift as provisional A.B. started, since the ships is
currently at anchorage, my work is currently on maintenance - for now at night
time. No big deal , what I did was just basically apply some
"stripping" chemical on the floor of A deck accommodation area and
remove it. I'm all ok doing that kind of work in maintenance.
After work
shift , I haven't slept well thinking of what will happen next. Being so filled
with anxiety that now even my sleeping pattern is disturbed,
On Friday ,
the day came out of surprise to test my skills, earlier I thought that mooring
will be cancelled and will probably resumed sometime by Monday or if it did
resume it will not happen during my work shift (midnight till four am or noon
till 4pm). As a routine, I was there at the bridge and successfully piloted the
helm till the anchored was heaved and the pilot arrived. After that things when
on a horrible turn, and was later ousted on the wheel, apparently when I failed
to maintain the course and was just roughly two degree's. A.B. Marlon was
immediately called back from the mooring team to replace me.
Obviously a
lot of people were surprise to see me back on the mooring teams, It didn’t
matter to me on what was going on to their heads. I just did my task as usual.
Somehow BOSUN Payopay noticed was wrong.
Mooring
went out fine.
My first
duty was at night time and my watch was shorten from 6 hours (as an O.S.) to 4
hours (as acting A.B.), It wasn't that difficult - only problem I have was this
so called stopper which basically holds a mooring rope temporarily until its
gets fasten. The stopper equipment here is very different from the ones I used
on BOW Ophelia or even at Stolt strength, so it posted a problem for me in
adjusting loose ropes. It took me at least an hour each in adjusting.
After my
watch I spent some time thinking about my situation and rested till in the
afternoon watch. When it was about 15 minutes from my watch, I suddenly heard
someone knocking to my door and apparently turns out it was the chief mate
bayev together with second engineer maksym who wants to check my toilet to see
if it's still working. I allowed them in and that’s when all hell broke
loose. A simple check on the toilet
turned out to be a horror show, Instead of focusing and check to see if the
plumbing was alright - Chief mate bayev turned his attention on how my cabin
looks like and ordered me around to clean it. Bastard never even bothered to
check the toilet even threatened me that if I don’t clean my cabin he'd tell
the captain.
So I ended
up cleaning my whole damn cabin and being late on work for thirty minutes. My
day wasn't really going well since I took the promotion and for some reason
people around me are bitching me around every now and then. I'm starting to
think that this so called promotion is a bad idea. I came to realize that few
people here are no better than the ones in Cape Tallin, they simply lack the
courtesy and proper manners to do so. Even spreads gossips and underestimates
my skill in being an A.B. , those bastards can't simply mind their own
business.
The thing
that really pushed me over the edge to drop my claim on the promotion was
during when loading was finished , when I was asked to take cargo samples and
went to 5 starboard cargo area. Pumpman Sepulveda ask if I do exactly know how
to take a cargo sample at all ? I do know how to take a cargo sample but I
remained quiet, then he said with prejudice that I can't take a cargo sample
and can't do the job right especially if I'd be left alone to do my work. Still I kept silent on his insulting remark,
The thing that made me snap was his last comment.
"the
problem with you, is that you don’t ask any questions at all" he said .
What the
hell ??? What the fuck does he mean by that ? If he means I should be begging for his help and worshipping him ,
then that isn't going to happen. I Kept my composure and remained silent
despite my outrage. From that on , it had firmly cemented on my mind that if
I'm going head on for promotion, now isn't the right time as it obvious that
some people here are jealous - damn fucking visayans !!! . If he glorifies
himself as a Mr-know-it-all then he can keep it and shove it up on his ass. I
don’t need his help ! And I'd figure things out for myself rather than ask help
to those reprobate visayans !
Don’t get
me wrong , I do ask questions a lot especially on work and even ask help
sometimes - BUT ON THE RIGHT PEOPLE ! , Pump Man Sepul-fuck-a-veda simply
doesn’t qualify on that category.
Unmooring
came suddenly at about somewhere in 3pm . Then again people around here are
trying to find faults on my work just to put me out and dismay me in holding an
A.B. position. This time opportunity for
them finds a way in the form of a mistake I made on waking up people and
putting them on "Standby" for unmooring operations. I had no idea
that it was supposedly Wiper Evangelista, Anthony Cruzat that was to be
notified instead I had notified Oiler Elbert Gallamaso Lague. (damn bastard
didn't even told me that I'm making a wrong call) . As usual a lot of people
blame me for the sudden confusion and no-show of some people on the forward
mooring station and as expected my critics are swarming to exaggerate and fire
up my latest mistake on work. Those damn fuckers wont simply stop in derailing
me and as soon as I entered the crew mess after unmooring, damn assholes
immediately fired up in saying to everyone about my error like a some sort of
bill board sign.
The anchor
dropped few minutes after…
While I
went back to the accommodation block and saw A.B. Marlon , he told me that I
should come to the bridge after a few hours to at least witness how the helm is
handled at upheaving of anchors. I declined and said I wasn't feeling well, I
never elaborated that I'm not emotionally well and most probably demoralized on
taking a lot of shit from harassing critics.
He told me
if then if it was the case, Then I should come at about 11pm , an hour earlier
from my work shift to practice on steering. I did comply , but practicing
during and before my work shift didn’t matter much. My mind has made up a
decision. I'm feeling so low emotionally
that I'm not simply enjoying my work , all thanks to those fucking jealous
visayans who constantly harass me and make my life as fucking miserable as
humanly possible . I just simply loss the will in continuing any further on
work as an A.B.
At around
5am , I quietly approached chief mate at the bridge to request that I be
returned on day work and someone would replace me immediately. I'm happy that
Chief mate Bayev granted me my request.
CONCLUSION
It is sad
to dismay that despite we live in the 21st century, Filipino's working on ships
are still mentally backward. Some things like jealousy and all sort of
anti-social behaviour are common here, so common that it’s a social norm.
On this
entry I had describe that people here are so jealous on my improvements and
progress in career that they are willing to do almost everything just to put me
out and it doesn’t stop from there ! Aside from that I had describe they have
an excessive amounts of arrogance that they see themselves as high and mighty
over other people, to the point that they discriminate and underestimate
they're Filipino co-workers abilities.
Filipinos
here have a natural ability of starting trouble and friction , From the
simplest head strap on a person safety helmet to the most complex as a job
promotion. Expect that Filipino's jealousy has no bounds and will start trouble
and intrigue out of almost anything.
Word of
advice to readers , be absolutely very careful on the working environment and
your co-workers on-board a ship . As much as possible show extreme caution and
quickly identify the bad guys , CHOOSE YOUR NEIGHBORS CAREFULLY.
