LANDFALL

"It is my responsibility and duty to keep my family together and alive, it is my burden to know that I cannot. They must make their own future. I can guide them . Give them the tools to survive . But I cannot control them . Their choices will be their own as will their consequences"

<<-Excerpts from my journal , personal log "Unknown Filipino Sailor" >>

As predicted My arrival on the house was meet with a lot of unresolved issues. Not exactly personal ones but financial ones, I do not question on what's the situation as a matter of fact I'm very grateful that my sister took those steps in borrowing money from numerous loan sharks in order to preserve my mom's life and will help her in any way I can financially.

I had a lot to thank for to my sister that she has maintained mom to be alive, and it was her efforts alone single headedly,  that mom is still vertical despite predictions by other medical doctors that mom will not last more than 48 hours way back six months ago.

Unfortunately despite my younger sister's heroic efforts, it could only "stem the tide" on our mom's deteriorating health. My sister gave me the exact specifics on the situation on what's really happening , it was a very dismaying news that despite our grand efforts - mom's health will continually deteriorate slowly to the point that she will succumb to the complications of kidney dialysis and multiple organ failures. My sister dropped to me the news like a hammer - Moms health (or life span) will be only as good as it is for about 5 months to a year, Maybe if medical care will be maxed out it will be about a year.

In other words , It is a burden to my heart and hard to admit that my sister told me that our mom is in deteriorating health - at a rapid rate. I asked my sister if she has any evidence to prove about her claims, she told me that she has already consulted a number of doctors (the "2nd opinion and 3rd opinion" rule) and they all came up with the same conclusion, Rough estimates from doctors say that it will be at least maximum 5 months to a year before mom totally succumbs to this disease. I admire my sister for giving me an honest detail on the situation and having the courage to accept the fact that mom's future is somewhat limited and grim - something that I myself is still in denial over the facts.  Maybe I was thinking (and hopeful) of the Hollywood style happy ending of "riding this out in the sunset"

one of mom many surgeries, Frankenstein style

Aside from the badly destroyed kidney, mom has already sustained considerable damage from other organs. Her lungs has been affected with pneumonia and infection. Half of heart has been badly destroyed as well and led to her recent cardiac arrest last November, aside from that she also suffered a blood infection which up to now, she is still recuperating from it. Mom also a couple of surgeries on implants placed on her right arm (which made her right arm totally unusable) called "fistula" , which is used as an outlet for the dialysis machine. Aside from the arm she also has an alternate "outlet" implant on her neck, which now has been removed a few days before I arrived her at home.

To simply say it , Mom underwent so many surgeries to keep her alive that she looks more like a Frankenstein now minus the bolt and nut on her forehead. her body has already wintered away from the rigors of surgery, Frankly I'm not exactly sure on how much more stress her heart can handle

In other matters ……

As soon as I made land fall in the Philippines, I had now taken immediate steps in preparing for my "working assignment" and that is to buy some gear and supplies needed. Aside from that I was also tasked (though unwillingly) in being a courier delivering some baggage's bound to the Philippines. Despite the hassle I had accomplish delivering the money to Electrician Chaingan wife by hand, delivered two bags of chocolates to O.S. Bilbao's Brother and a bag of hotdogs (yes hotdogs !!) to Mr Galang (head honcho of the tanker department in career)  .

Honestly I don't really get the point why we Filipino's have a nasty habit of dumping our excess luggage to other Filipino's and oblige them to make a delivery, and to make it worst they don’t even bother to compensate the person for the delivery efforts !

I think it's unfair on my part in the sense that I had been trimming down my luggage to below 40 kilograms to avoid over baggage on the airport and yet these people have been getting reckless and dumping me with their excess stuff. If they have problems with their luggage then they should have hired a Fed-ex delivery service or DHL, instead of pestering me and occupying my reserve space.

Anyway despite my ramblings , my situation is not that as worst as it was on my time in BOW Ophelia where 80 percent of my entire luggage was from the other crew and only 25 percent were actually mine.

I guess for the moment I'd be having some silent time and contemplating on the things that went before on this year.