THINGS TO TALK ABOUT

April 27, 2018 Friday

There's a lot of things I should be discussing (or writing) right now ., and I don’t know where to start.

For the moment my recent transfer on "watch keeping" duties has lead me to a grudge between two second officers here. I didn't start any trouble but they did ., and I'm just defending myself against this kind of people . For now I can say that im in a long standing feud with them for their psychological maltreatment I had been receiving to them ., like being shouted and labelled "Stupid" almost every day, and saying "I should use my brain" .

Personally I don’t think it is right to call people like that , and I dislike it. As a retaliation I'm giving them the "cold treatment" and simply ignores them.

In other news .,

Recently me and O.S. "Pamorada" ., that the contract we signed up here for in UPL - Shell / Nakilat was deceptive. From what I recall almost six months back ., we asked the office a number of times on what will be our salary rate for the job and they repeatedly said that its 1,129 U.S. dollars per month. Now six months later me and O.S. "Pamora" re read the contract we signed up for and did the math ., and what we discovered was very disappointing. From the looks of it ., we were actually just being paid by only 1001 U.S. Dollars per month and not on what the office said a few months back that’s 1129 U.S. dollars.

To add more insult to injury - the 1001 U.S. Dollars we had been receiving for a month does not include deductions ., Like Social Security , Housing Loan , Health Insurance , Seafarer Union dues etc. . Overall our apparent guess is that we had only been making money at around somewhere 800 (minumum) to 900 (maximum) U.S. Dollars per month.

To simply say .. UPL - Shell / Nakilat lied to us about our salary scale., and personally right now I feel I was cheated and being manipulated by this company.  

"E.V.L" GOT SHOT DOWN

April 23, 2018 Monday

Couple of weeks ago. Desperate to find a solution on my situation , I finally manage to think of a plan on how to get out and get rid of the bad treatment here PERMANENTLY. And it came be on what we Filipino sailors call in the contract "Early Vacation Leave" .

I immediately got to work on it way back when this ship was still back in Korea ., but never fully considered it as an escape plan here. Although I'm not in good terms with A.B. "Windel" I did got a good idea about the early vacation . As soon as this ship left for Korea , I passed it immediately to a "FAO" (Fleet administrative officer) onboard

(A FAO IS PRACTICALLY A "SECRETARY ONBOARD" AND PRIMARYLY DOES WORK RELATED TO PAPERS, THIS POSITION IS UNIQUE ONLY HERE IN AN LNG TANKER)

F.A.O. never gave any question on why I wanted an early vacation leave and simply got to work writing. I easily got my way around without any problems and he just simply told me that the letter is finished and it will be passed to the captain.

FEW WEEKS PASSED BY.

I was surprised one day , while having a coffee break that FAO came back and told me that I did not informed BOSUN about my early vacation request and I should have done it first before making the letter . He said it won't be a problem since he has already submitted it and I'd have just to inform bosun the next time.

Later that day I did informed Bosun "Jerrymine" and as usual got disrespecting comments along with some of the crew who heard it especially Oiler Monta.

(Next time, I'd be reminded not to do any favours to Oiler "Monta"  - such an ungrateful son of a bitch)  

AGAIN A FEW DAYS PASSED BY

I was doing the usual coffee and believe that everything will be fine and proceed in me getting out of this ship for good (despite numerous criticism from ungrateful crew members). Then all of a sudden BOSUN Jerrymine said and asked if I had a problem with him because Chiefmate Ivan blames him that I "by passed" Several steps and that the only reason he thinks I did that was that I had a problem with the crew. He added that Captain Vedran spoke to me and suspect something is bothering me which I denied to avoid any more complication on my situation

Obviously I had to deny publicly that I had a problem with the crew as to avoid trouble , ( in reality I DO HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THEM AND THE CRAPPY POLICIES HERE) and reassured him that the reason why I'm filing for an early vacation is that my contract is already almost finished when this ship arrives at Ras Raffan , Qatar.

(The words that came out of my mouth were practically half lies and half-truths, as just to avoid myself from dealing with a more escalated problem).

Later that day ., I was summoned on the captains office on similar suspicions , This time Chiefmate Ivan and Bosun Jerrymine are also present. They tried to inquire and interrogate as much as they can to find out the real reason why I'm trying to get a leave. The meeting was more like a battle of words ., and I had to be manipulative as possible on what I'm saying just to dodge them.

I was successful in dodging them and just pointed out that my contract will just expire and I just came in an early notice , Although I was successful in avoiding suspicion however it came on a very high price. I was left to abandon my desire of getting out here on this ship. And as a result I have to endure another month of annoyance and bad treatement .

From the looks of it,. If I'm trying to get out of this ship for good. It looks like that I had to find another way out and that my "early vacation leave" excuse just got blown away by sabotage.

REASONS WHY I DONT

April 18, 2018 Wednesday

Things are not going well here for me onboard., as far as I can tell by now almost everyone here is having a grudge against me and there is not a day that goes by that I am not being mistreated, Its serious enough for me to decide to discontinue being a watch keeper and will talk to BOSUN later on to quit the job.

From what I'm describing , I am now being maltreated here and at the moment have a very low self-esteemed. I am always being critized here and insulted even on the smallest mistakes (or none at all)., it's like I have been singled out here as a target for their bullying.

Not a day goes by that I am not being scolded by both of these shitty Indian and Egyptian second officers. And I can't imagine that I had been almost 8 years now as a sailor and this is the first time a person would insult me by saying "Your stupid !" and "Use your brain !". 

Anyway this is the reason why I try to avoid doing work on the bridge in the first place because of this kind of people, and yet Filipino people here are stupid enough to keep pushing me around and persuaded me to work then when it failed , they started taking matters by pressuring me and saying that its "part of the job description". It resulted in me being forced to do work that is not what I signed for,. In any stand point I don’t see the logic of why an O.S. "Riding Crew" should be doing a work that is meant for an A.B. , especially if there is no assurance or guarantee of being promoted anytime soon and on the fact that the contract I signed for definitely states "Ordinary Seaman"

In any case , for the moment I am now experiencing the full brunt of my situation being forced to work on the bridge and up until then that I can find a solution, I am stuck taking all the verbal abuse these shitty Indian 2nd officer can throw at me.  

EXTENTION OF MISERY

April 14, 2018 Saturday

Its been a long stressful day again., I did went thru the hurdle of struggling as a pseudo A.B. here until I would get a chance to disembark ., Unfortunately it is to my dismay that "Early Vacation leave" didn’t pushed thru as some work politics here prevented approval (or somewhat sabotaged my efforts). I'm not sure if chief mate "Ivan" had something to do why my vacation leave was turned downed or it was the previous captain "douglas souza" . It was ok before and the "office" even approved and agreed to send me home by the time this ship will reach Ras Raffan, Qatar.

The newly arrived captain Kolonovic from singapore, approached me yesterday  during my work shift and wanted to know the reason why I filed tha "early vacation leave" ., I replied saying there is no particular reason and I just wanted to have an "early vacation"

(officially, that’s I would say just to avoid trouble here) ., while im still onboard and my "personal safety" here is not yet Guaranteed. The truth and real reason why I'm submitting that leave was because the environment here is very uncomfortable to work with from the start and to complicate things here furthermore is my co-workers both Filipino and non- Filipino nationalities have poisonous personality. Bosun "jerry" is practically full of shit and he doesn’t have the skills to have a normal conversation for three minutes without pissing off people off.,

The same situation goes the same also on the ship officer's specifically 2nd officer amir ., who pushes people around. He always find fault on anything I do ., even the most simplest and most non sense of things.

Recently things with him went sour , and I didn’t started it. One day I was just simply doing my usual routine on work and he then lashed out saying I'm not doing my job right complete with shouts, intimidation and insults. I took all of the brunt for the whole 3 hours and after that , I got fed up and confronted him and said that if he's so frustrated in my work performance and find me incompetent then he can replace me anytime as a watch keeper , after all im a "riding crew" category and in the first place i shouldn’t be doing this work in the first place.

2nd officer amir feeling my annoyance and anger quickly changed his tone and just said that he was just doing that for my own good. Honestly I don’t believe on any crap he said and his just excusing himself from my retaliation.

A.B. Erwin came by and saw mg anger  

S - TRANSIT

March 30, 2018 Friday

Few days have passed after this ship had made a transit in Singapore and as expected the transit here was exaggerated and was a big deal on this ship. Basically an OVERKILL of the situation. Anyway it's their stupid ship and pathetic company and not mine., I'm just riding along here and sitting tight for a month till I get out of this. Till I dispose Shell / Nakilat Company.

I remember back then ., on the company I came from that Singapore transit was just a normal transit and only that it only had just a few guys more in the bridge ., from what I remember what we do during the Singapore transit was just sit around and enjoy the lights passing by with the A.B. and the "O.O.W" - it was no big deal of any kind and even the captain doesn’t even interfere or meddle with the those matters., To simply put the Singapore transit there was more like a "talk show" on T.V. . Now comparing what I had been experiencing right now and seeing . Things here are so exaggerated that I might mistook that this ship is going to a war zone rather than a ship passing thru a traffic area.

The Captain here is at the bridge during my whole work shift and watching every move and detail of our work. I find it uncomfortable working that somebody is keeping an eye on every move I make , which increases more of my stress and difficulty while I'm at the bridge. I couldn’t make a proper "lookout" with him blocking the radar screen which I needed in making references for nearby ships, I was  simply stuck moving my way around and looking the horizon with just only binoculars around. Aside from that every 30 minutes or so I had to switch work with the A.B. around and steer the ship.

Fortunately for me steering the ship wasn’t such a big problem., and the steering console is much more responsive when it comes to whichever direction I'm being told to go. Of course I had to be very careful even on just simply moving the wheel because the of the captain hovers around like a helicopter.

The whole four hours of my working shift on the bridge was pure frustration., I had to think every now and then on what I'm doing was right or wrong plus have to deal the captain hovering around. I was constantly moving every few minutes or so just to avoid being lectured and be mistaken for slacking on work. Good thing the Singapore Marine traffic provided enough distraction for them so I can go unnoticed.   

SHORE LEAVE HASSLE

March 25, 2018 Sunday

There is not a day here that goes by that I am bombarded by scolding on my co-workers ., From what it looks like , they always annoy me by constantly finding faults on almost anything I do.

Being here is a very big mistake on my career and now I find myself arguing over a very trivial matter on board - Shoreleave.

I have been a sailor for almost 8 years now and this is the only one on those years that I find myself arguing over a trivial matter which is shore leave. Back then on my previous company ., the management there always encourages people to go on shore leave every time their ship berths, - BUT HERE it looks like that they're detaining crew here as much as they can. 

On the morning , I saw a memo laying around on the crew mess saying that those who wanted to go to shore leave in south korea can write their names for "Scheduling" and is subject for  approval from HOD. Without haste I wrote my name for the list, thinking it would be no big deal about it. Later in the afternoon while I was in the locker ., BOSUN "Jerrymine" gave me a lecture that next time before I write my name on the list., that I should ask permission first from him. I replied that if going on shore leave is such a big deal then I could simply erased my name , and it won't be a problem anymore. 

For some reason , BOSUN "Jerrymine" sensed my dismay and annoyance over the shore leave issue and said that I couldn't just simply write my name off. It was a bit long conversation just to tell him that I'm pulling out my name in the list.  Conversation went anyway that my name wasn’t retracted.

Despite that my shore leave request will push thru in south korea., I had already lost interest and the only reason why I'm just riding this was just to avoid any more trouble and making it more complicated. Whether or not my shore leave request will push thru doesn’t matter ., I just lost interest over it and dismayed that a simple shore leave here would be such big trouble.

A few days went by and I didn’t even bother to sign the shore leave request ., and kept persuading BOSUN "Jerry mine" to drop my name on the list and kept making excuses on how to pull out my name. I signed the paper later on just for sake of avoiding more escalating trouble or my dismay with Bosun "jerry mine" and the working policies here.

Something tells me on the back of my mind that my upcoming shore leave will be very miserable and be just better off sleeping on my cabin instead.  

FULL BRUNT OF DECEPTION

March 23, 2018

Now the full brunt of doing of work of an A.B. now gets dumped on me and to make it worst ., it looks like that this work schedule is extended for whole remaining days I have here onboard.

I was thinking that I might get some relief or a "breather" when April comes but apparently BOSUN Jerrymine know how to make things more miserable for me. From the looks of it what will happen is that I would be just shifting from 12 to 4 am / pm schedule to 8 to 12 am / pm. He just informed me this during coffee break and now I'm having problems on how to counter this.

I'm not enjoying this job at all knowing that I'm over worked and underpaid here  and them getting overpaid and underwork.,  I'm seriously opting to get the early vacation leave as soon as possible, So I can get the fuck out of here soon. For now I can't just submit it yet and have to wait until this ship arrives in south Korea and had a crew change. For now there's nothing I can do but sit out here and wait for another two weeks before I make my move on submitting an "early vacation".  

The only luck I had for now is that , I hope Ship pilot won’t come during my watch hours or else I'm screwed on the steering part work. That is the only chance and option available for me to avoid this work and its random and inaccurate.

Personally I don’t see any reason why I should be doing all these because the contract I signed with is for an O.S. Job Position and not an A.B. , If im going to do these at all , I should have signed up for an A.B. instead !

Aside from these problems … Another problem I have to deal with on being dumped on more work load is not having enough sleep . Here they packed me with so much work that almost my rest hours just literary runs only barely 10 hours for the whole day., (below the regular 16 rest hours per day)., So it's obvious now that the effects of sleep deprivation and fatigue are starting to make a toll now on my body., and the lack of rest hours has already been a problem as well not only on my health but also on my hygiene and work routine. 

i can't imagine that I have to pack on those 5 hours rest the part where I have to eat, sleep , wash and prepare my clothes, bathe , go to the toilet,  etc all the basic stuff a person should do biologically on a short span of 5 hours., Its totally almost impossible to do all those things at the same time - and to add more of the problem is that there making people here do work related stuff on "off hours" ., meaning I have to do something that is work related during my short rest period. Such examples to these is doing all the laundry for the whole crew , which I have to wash all of their working coveralls and cleaning certain areas like my cabin and locker room. 

Honestly I'm feeling hopeless right now in faced with overwhelming odds.,  Supposedly I signed up here because I thought working condition here and environment would be better compared to those of a typical liquid tankers , but turns out I was wrong and that liquid tankers have a more pleasant working practices than here.  I was just simply lured here and Shell / Nakilat is just making false promises on its advertisements., their policies here are brutal and repressive.