TRUSTWORTHY AS A WEASEL

O.S. dalida is starting to get on to my nerve' s by ratting out some information that I considered private and confidential. Such example is my plan for early vacation leave which annoyed me a lot when he mentioned it in front of everyone and even in front of Pumpman Carnaje. I intend to keep this information on a hush silent basis but turns out because of Dalida's ratting habit, it now became public knowledge. This really will hurt his image on my perception and that O.S. dalida is not a trustworthy person whom I should talk about confidential and private information, as a result of I would be very careful in mentioning details now and other private information I know of. Its best I keep my mouth shut and do not mention anything that I knew.

It maybe the year of the rat on Chinese new year but what I hate the most are that kind of people. If I wasn’t into trouble and my predicament was severe , I would not have sought an agreement with him in the first place and it was a big mistake that I did so , I really hate making an alliance on a person who betray his allies. He's trustworthy as a weasel.

As retaliation , I will make actions against him - but will be done in a "cloak and dagger" style. A retaliation that will be in Secrecy. If there will be done changes on my behavior (and restrictions) it should be subtle in order not to raise suspicion. 

Like I said earlier on my blog entries, I should trust no one here and that I'm all alone and surrounded by enemies. I better make every move I made to be precise and silent .

In any case although it is relatively bad that my "Early Vacation Leave"  went public. It has its uses after all , and discovered that there at least two more crewmate whom had plans for an "Early Vacation Leave" as well. Namely A.B. "Noel" and "Fitter". All I had to do is ask to join them to make our request more valid and bingo ! E.V.L. could be approved and as what they say "The more the merrier"

REVENGE AND RESOLVE

As much as I wanted to share any technical knowledge on computers and help people around here, in the spirit of co-operation. Sadly I will have to refrain from doing so and keep such knowledge a secret and deny the existence of it, this  may sound cruel and greedy, but I have to take proper precautions and in some extent harsh action given on my circumstances. I think it's only logical for any person to refuse helping people who are in some ways helping the enemy or in any way sympathetic to them or in any person whom I might deem as a threat to my safety and security. 

So it means I won't be sharing the contents of my Hard drive (multimedia entertainments) , Video game installers, and any other software / hardware I had to the rest of the crew here. This of course is not limited to that , even things that might help them (any hardware) that I have unfortunately will also be "Sanctioned" . (not sure if this is the correct term). 

As far as I can tell people here only approach me when they needed something,  after that they won't even bother to help me out even if I asked for help, Definitely the "garbage" type of people.

In other matters …

Aside from "sanctions" , I lately chatted with one of my college friends on Facebook and had a conversation about my situation here. The subjects that we chatted about is that he asked if I'm going to file a "Onboard Complaint" report., I said I would love to but I would hesitate to submit one if it will be done onboard this ship due to fear of my safety and security, which is not a guarantee here. After a short conversation with my old college friend , I learned from him that the "Onboard Complaint" report can be filed AFTER MY CONTRACT IS FINSIHED ON THIS SHIP, meaning I can file and submit this if I'm already in the Philippines where my safety and security is already guaranteed. In other words "Onboard complaint" form does not only work while I'm on a ship and is not only limited to that.

The moment my friend said that , my whole face lighten up from a grim look to a more hopeful optimistic one . Meaning that I still have perhaps a chance to have justice (or maybe revenge) on all that bullying and harassment I had been enduring on this ship., I can never forgive those people who caused me torment and that I have strong beliefs that no seaman should ever suffer that kind of emotional stress from all that bullying and harassment and physical harm that I had sustained on this ship.

This may be called "revenge" on some extent , people can call it whatever they want and I won't blame them. What matters is I cannot let the person slip away who have done me wrong, I am fighting for my rights - My right to exist ! Every word said , every letter ,  every will and effort I made to survive here is a declaration of my anger and that no enemy can deny my will and no cause too great for my struggle and endeavor that I will not rise to meet it

The Office will know If I cannot move heaven and earth to achieve justice , then I shall raise hell

The conversation with my college friend lit a fire inside me , That I have a sense of purpose and should not be drowning in despair and more importantly a resolve. That I can and must get out of this ship and exact retribution to those people.

I am looking forward on the day that I get out of this ship and report back to the office and file a report. For now I'm not going to tell a soul on this ship about my plans, I have to ensure secrecy and that there will be no leakage of information of any kind. Its best I keep it that way and I'm pretty good in keeping secrets . If rumors or suspicions arise about this , I will just simply deny it and let them think that they are winning and I have been reduced to a near pathetic state

Good thing there's a burger laying around somewhere in the kitchen. I'm pretty sure the owner of this will be fine without it

oh by the way, If you want me to starve to death , you should have rather left me for dead on some desolate planet hehehhe So Fuck you hunter saga ! hehehe

THORNS OF MY NECK

Now that it has been confirmed that "merk" will disembark and be replaced sometime either mid or late February. I can only giggle perhaps in excitement that one of my thorns on my neck will be removed , and much to my delight as well, Perhaps Pump man's arrogance will be considerably be trimmed down, without the protection of his beloved "chief officer" he'd think twice before even starting trouble,. Truthfully I never liked having a Filipino chief officer in the first place, as far as what have I experience as a seafarer - Filipino senior ship officers usually are a disaster and most of the time only bring trouble.

The thought of "Merk" being out of my way brings me joy.

However despite my delight and excitement on this news, it still bring troubles on my end on the part that most of the job orders (work orders) I do come from him, and without him means no job orders. And no job orders means I'm a sitting duck doing nothing because there's no work around and would get me easily targeted and reported to have me fired. I have to think of a way of how to solve this before time runs out for me - I have to start thinking long term , at least until May to have someone issuing me job orders for work.

Anyway I have to write down what happened on the loading operation in Saudi Arabia.

In the morning on 5am , I usually go to the bridge and get job orders from "Merk" and when I got there, "Merk" just said the ship will "go berthing". I didn’t ask any furthermore question because I knew what it meant. I called in to O.S. Dalia at about 7.30 to confirm some details about the berthing and it seemed that he's more well informed on what are the specific time schedules compared to me , and he withheld those information. In any case I learned from him that pilot will be boarding at around 10am and we will have to go outside on work at the usual 8am schedule to do some preparation equipment.

10am came and I was waiting for someone to inform me that we will have to standby on the designated area for the arrival of the pilot via helicopter. To my dismay nobody informed me , like they have an intent to sabotage, or basically the crew intent to leave me out, hmpf !!! So much for the said "TEAM WORK" . No thanks to those bunch of jack ass Filipino crewmates - What a total dick ! . Good thing O.S. dalida had a hunch and told me that we should now go to the helipad marking on the right side of the ship. Turns out O.S. Dalida's hunch were correct and we are the last ones to arrive on the area. Good thing out of stroke of luck the pilot decided not to board using the helicopter and instead be boarding via tugboat (as said by the bridge). So I was saved by luck …

I went on the usual prep for the pilot boarding via gangway ladder , and when the pilot boarded he immediately went to the bridge. After that I proceeded on the forward mooring area and there helped out on the mooring (Mooring is SBM type , Single Bouy Mooring)., There was a minor delayed on the mooring on the part that the ship was a few meters shy away on the buoy and they had to readjust and move the ship a little - after that the ship was moored on the lines by the buoy.

Everything went out on the usual on this loading operation and there was no anything to write about it ., This ship casted off in two days' time after the cargo loading was completed and will be heading back in the pacific to discharge somewhere in china.

After long years of service , I am finally retiring this equipment and will be finding a new replacement by this year . 

A MONTH LESS TO WORRY

On the recent safety meeting , it was told that the berthing would be SBM type. Much to my relief and it saves me the trouble of dragging all those mooring wires from the remaining winches. Another news also came in the safety meeting that no crew change will be conducted on its discharge port in somewhere in china and if there's going to be a crew change it will be after it and probably singapore - which meant that I won't be getting rid of "Merk" anytime soon or at least till end of next month, on the plus side despite of this setback is that at least there's a secure "job orders" for me till end of February - so it leaves me for a month on figure out on where to get Job orders after merk has been disposed of.

Merk's "disposal" is important for me on the fact that it would be best he is not around when I submit my "early vacation leave request" by April, because I don’t want any leaked information circulating around plus I wanted it to be "low key and silent" . In fact I had already selected a day in April on which I will submit that EVL request.

Aside from Pump man, I consider merk as the next threat around. Fortunately for me he hasn’t tagged me yet to be hostile.

In other news …

The other Bulgarian chief mate and Second Engineer (Filipino nationality) disembarked in Saudi Arabia, Honestly I didn’t know there was a crew change here in this country. When I saw them go down and board on that supply boat , I can help but be envious on it and wonder on how long I had to endure this ship till I get that boat and go back home to start anew.  Good thing by next week it will be February , which meant a month less for me to worry on the remain time of my contract here. Let's hope that for me the replacements won't be in any way a threat for me or be hostile in general.

FINISHED CABLE WIRES

After a couple of days working with and assisting electrician on his work in laying out a cable wire, it was finally over, not all that is left is securing those equipment and tools that were left behind on the work.

During the securing of the wire, AB. "Chirs" was blabbering something negative about Pumpman Carnaje, about him being a loafer and that all he does on work was talk and chat , and complain on work. He added that he gets paid on work just to be lazy. A.B. "Chris" asked if I agree on this. Knowing full well that I can't trust anyone here on this ship and that whatever thoughts I have must be kept only to myself. I just simply replied to him "No Comment" . As much as I can figure is that this is the best answer and reply I could make , and that I should not let anyone know what are the thoughts going on inside my head - whether its positive or negative, it's too much of a risk .

Deep inside my head , I do agree on his comments about Pump Man Carnaje. All he does as far as I can see is that he's a lazy prick and just talks around on work , and his talks are mostly made up of trashy complains . Another half of my thinking is basically the "I don’t care" attitude, It's none of my concern as far as I know on what he does , whether him being a lazy prick and all. My mindset and focus at the moment is trying to finish this contract as soon as possible in any way or manner that I can and necessary steps should be taken to ensure this. All other info's not related to this mindset is just annoyance and a drag. So whatever A.B. Chris thinks about Pumpman Carnaje is just clutter for me,  

Aside from that as I have mentioned earlier , I have trust issues over the entire crew here. I can't trust them on any kind of information and its best I just keep my mouth shut and keep it to myself - it's safer that way. I already made a mistake in trusting O.S. Dalida here before and some of the crew, I'm not going to make that mistake again.

Finally for me it's already the 24th of January and it's still almost half way from my main objective of getting the fuck out of this ship. I still have at least 2 to 3 month more left to endure before I could pass my "Early Vacation Letter" and I have to hold off until that time comes. 

In other news

For now the news on my work place is that , I'm suspecting that arrival on Saudi Arabia will be soon and that the crew have already made preparations on the usual routine equipment. I suspect as well that probably it will be "berthing upon arrival" kind of berth.  Although I still haven't saw them lay out the mooring wires on the mooring winches.

SUDDEN DRILL

Really gets tiring having to try to wake up early morning just to get job orders, as in really early like 2am - but like I said I had no other choice on my situation, I'd manage , I have to manage my predicament.

Lately I had been still doing regular maintenance work as what it is said on the job orders. In the morning me and O.S. Dalida had to remove canvass covers for mooring winches in preparation for arrival in Saudi Arabia. Now these canvasses haven't been removed from the mooring winches for some time now and may indicate that probably by the time this ship berths there it will not be via SBM.

After the removal of canvasses , my work then again got side track awhile as I helped again O.S. Dalida on some work in the Pump room. He wasn't that useful when it comes to getting some item needed for work and had me do all the work in the pump room while he just went upstairs and basically do unessential work. In any case what do I expect from a double dealing rat like him.

By the late afternoon while I was cleaning the whole aft area of the ship., O.S. Dalida suddenly inform me that there will be a drill at around 3.30pm and the sudden announcement of info had me hurriedly securing all the working equipment. I was in a hurry so much that I didn't even bother to clean up the mop and the rest of my equipment I just simply opened the door on the cleaning gear room and dumped all the equipment I'm using.

The "space" in between ceilings , incidentally the whole cable wire connection runs directly above my cabin and electrician had to make a hole above my room to run and re arrange those cables

The following morning.

I did the usual morning wake up to get my job orders and was told that I should assist electrician for his cable wire connections on the ships sensor. The job wasn’t a big deal until on the later part. I even had to go on the narrow spaces in the cabin ceiling just to re arrange those cables.  Actually this is a pretty easy job and got only complicated when we had to put those cable inside those steel pipes , apparently those steel pipes did have any hatches around at the top and we had to insert those cables from one end to another which span about at least more than 25 to 35 meters across.

yeah right , thanks for the reminder , but before that try to look up on crew welfare first 

CABIN SEARCH IN SAGA

To add humor and laugh on my personal side of things , i shall name this "GOODBYE HUNTER SAGA KIT" , and i also wrote the reason why i made this kit on the first place . Can't imagine that i lasted months on this kind of arduous situation  hehehe

As I continue to live and struggle by on a "day to day" basis given of my predicament. I had been making a lot of future plans , some of which are probably will be helpful on a long term basis. I had been planning on expanding some equipment that I will use on the civilian life once this seafaring career is over in a few year's time. Maybe because I wanted a smooth transition from an OFW style of lifestyle to a more civilian land base kind, I don’t want to get caught having a difficult position of starting all over again - So I had to advance at least the equipment I will be using in a few years time ahead.

As an added humor , I went to pack a set of clothes and named it "Goodbye HUNTER Saga kit" ., which I will  wear for disembarkation , when the time comes.

For now on work , I had to do the usual maintenance kind of work although having a job order (and getting one) is the most difficult part of the day. For now I'm left cleaning stains off on the ship fish blake.

After work , I'm left to do whatever I want which mostly ends up me playing video games on the PC , or just surfing and checking out my social media account or probably just routinely cleaning up my personal working equipment. Speaking of which as for today I was basically playing a video game on the PC , when Merk knocked to my cabin door and said I need to go to the crew recreation room and that the crew were having a sort of meeting.

when i went there I found out what the meeting was all along , turns out that the basketball ball they bought on Singapore turns out to be missing and they had no idea who took it, everyone was so busy during that day that nobody check it and was only later found to be missing. The discussion dragged on and led to doing a cabin search for each Filipino crew member , (including my cabin) but the ball wasn’t found, during the search nobody on the recreation room was allowed to leave and was just called one by one when their cabins were being search (to serve as witness) . They suspect either the Indian chief engineer took it or sabotage it and thrown it over board.

During the search I was worried on the cabin search not because of the basketball ball , but because of something else and they might found out that the missing headlight months ago would be found on my luggage. Fortunately for me , the headlight was inside on one of my pouch bags and was not carelessly inside on my luggage - so they didn’t notice.  After the search I immediately went to my cabin and locked the door and put "Loctite" super glue on the zipper of my pouch to permanently seal it and that nobody can open it in case somebody tried out of curiosity to open it.  I won't bother to open the pouch until I get back home and safe and sound in manila.

They found nothing on my cabin and even opened my luggage for them as part of a quasi "transparency" thing , although deep inside I was fearful and distressed that they might find something odd.

Honestly never in my life have I experienced this so called "cabin search" and even searched for my luggage. In fact this is the first time in my years as a sailor and this bad experience will definitely add more to the negative opinion I have on this so called "hartree" principal. Anyway I'm not here to stay any longer than necessary on this principal. 

MORNING UNEASINESS

Every time I wake up in the morning , it is usually filled with dread and anxiety probably because I have to get job orders from the chief mate (Merk to be specific). Usually I don’t do this at all , but on this time my situation ( and the first ever) is very different. Not even the conflicts I had been on "Cape Tallin" can ever scope this, I had problems on the incident "Cape Tallin" but it didn’t amount that my job orders would be suspended or affected compared to this one.  In anycase , I don’t have any choice but to manage my situation and at least hold long enough until the month of April for me to send an "Early Vacation request"

This is the number one cost of my anxiety right now, and I think it won't away until the unpleasantness is removed.

I really hate this feeling of anxiety and dread every morning.

In relation to this ….

Looks like chief mate merk has changed schedules now and is now working on the 12 to 4 time schedule. I just recently found out when I went 5am early in the morning and saw that it wasn’t merk at the bridge but it was the other Bulgarian chief mate., He told me that merk changed schedules until this ship arrives in Saudi Arabia. 

In other news ……

Took only 30 minutes of my time to finish the remaining task to clean up the life boat and Chief mate merk had me to redo some of my work to finish of that stains , anyway I'm glad I had finished the task and now moving on to the next. For the next two days I was doing none essential maintenance work , most was a light job of cleaning drip trays and removing some oily black stains of on the "fish plate" area on the ships side.

I also found out some info (from O.S. Dalida) that Chief Mate "Merk" will soon be replaced by some Russian Chiefmate. This news was on my feeling a mix of relief and "What will I do next". Relief in the sense that once "Merk" is gone , Pumpmans Carnaje's aggressiveness on bullying and harassment will  be expected to be toning down or at least he will be thinking twice before making any aggressive action. Without Merks protection , he's probably going to be careful in his moves and having a "neutral" chief mate will definitely even out the odds for me. (Apparently Pumpman Carnaje and Chiefmate Merk are really close , so close that I suspect he is also behind and responsible for my miserable situation right now and that they are ganging me up )

On the "What will I do next" part., this is the part where I have to think a lot because job orders that I got came from Merk and without him , I left on which chieft mate will I get the job orders next . This is basically a win all or lose all situation for me , on the part that I'm not sure if the new incoming chief mate will still give me job orders or just throw me back and left me leaving to find job orders. If he does accept giving me job orders then I can at least get reassured that stable work will be at least until april - enough time for me to send an early vacation leave request , for me to leave this ship by month of May.

THE TWO LIFEBOATS

Still got two and a month's half left before I sent my "early vacation" request and from that time and before , I have to hold on and do as much as I can to last. My situation have been getting grim lately on the fact that "Job orders" are getting scarcer each day that pass. Pump man Carnaje made sure of that, and doing the best he can to lock me out and starve me out. Personally I shouldn't have listened to the so called "Filipino to Filipino talk" last December and instead would have opted to seek help from a non-Filipino chief mate here and the terms will be much more fair.

For now there is nothing much I can do , because of the reality right now. As long as Pumpman Carnaje and Chief Mate "Merk" will not be eliminated., I will have to live out the rest of my days in tyranny and oppression. They are the biggest Threats around here on this ship, these people from "Oslo" principal. The previous indian O.S. once said "they will have their day, and when that they comes. I hope they received the harshest and most severe punishment from the divine".

Anyway I shouldn't write more about them , because it upsets me more about my situation.

After days of chasing and having no luck on to talking about him on what my job orders are , I finally changed tactics and went looking for him in the very early morning. As in around 5am and I finally found him at the CCR. The job order that was given was to clean the two lifeboats. I immediately made preparations on how to clean the said lifeboats and by around 8am started.  I did my best to clean the said life boat and scrubbed every nook and cranny as best as I could using soap even the stains that were too difficult to remove, (I wasn’t able to successfully remove it but did greatly reduced it). At around in the late afternoon and after cleaning it throughly , Chiefmate merk checked the port side life boat area and said doubtfully "Did you really clean, the lifeboats ? Because it's still dirty inside" and pointed on the small spot on the footsteps area and ignored the whole area of the lifeboat that was cleaned , I replied " I did sir and those were the stains that I had difficulty in removing" . He said "you should have used thinner on these stains" and made a dissatisfied look , he even added that I shouldn’t  have taken a lot of time in cleaning this lifeboats. I said kindly ," Sir its ok , I could go back and clean this spot with a thinner" . He replied "Never mind , it will take too much time" and left with a smirk on his face, dissatisfied.

It hit me at that moment and think that this person is another one of those perfectionist bastards and no matter how much effort you put on work , these kind of people will, by the end of the day still think that your dirt and your efforts are just a waste.

Bah ! Does he have any idea on how long it takes to scrub every nook and cranny of a single life boat ? Maybe he thinks I'm slopping around work and have no idea how difficult it is , Maybe he himself never even cleaned a life boat thoroughly and scrubbed it inch by inch with only soap and a very small adhesive pad on hand ? Pathetic ! I knew well this kind of people on my years as a sailor and as far as I know , Filipino's - our own kind are one of the worst bosses out there.

Anyway I have no other choice but to keep my head down given the circumstances and situation I have now. I have no other choice but to do this , no plans of arguing or even letting people know what I'm thinking inside - its better this way , The less they knew what's going on to my head , the less they'd suspect that I hate them and dislike them. besides all I can do for now is just simply buy time and enough for me to reach the month of April and May.

OFFICIALLY THREE MONTHS

This day marks my 3rd month onboard this ship. I had been for 3 months without any cash advance, no shore leave and no official job order. Most of the time I think, things are equally grim for me and that my stay and existence here are uncertain. There threat of bullying and harassment is ever constant and the same goes also on being fired on the spot and ruining the whole career.

If this was just a land base job , I could easily solve the problems here of bullying and harassment from pump man carnaje by simply going AWOL and let them figure out the rest, on top of that the whole career as an employee will not be ruined. Unfortunately no matter how I wish that would be the case, the situation I'm here at the moment is problematic and persistent. For now my stress , depression and anxiety levels are quiet high, So high that it affects me on my day to day activities and compounded with harassment and bullying of Pump man Carnaje.  I though earlier that things would be stable now and beyond but it proved me wrong that as long as "job orders" are not secured for the next 5 months , Stability and existence here will always be under constant threat.

Currently tensions flare up again , although this time it's in directed at me. Apparently Pumpman Carnajme is pressuring O.S. Dalida to leave me behind and stop giving job orders. This came when , A.B. Jun told and snitched us to Pump man Carnaje that the paint used in painting the chain was "hard top" type.,  This was false accusation and O.S. Dalida himself opened the can of paint and the paint used was never "hardtop" type . In any case the conversation dragged on until I was brought on the subject ,  About my presence in assisting O.S. Dalida on work. I never said a word on what I overheard, and let O.S. dalida decide on his own on what he views in this matter. The only I care of at that moment was that I have 2 and a half months left before , I submit my "early vacation leave" and four months the least to get the fuck off on this ship.

I ignored them and just proceeded to painting the fire isolation valve, unintentionally I mistook painting the foam valve., Good thing at that moment O.S. Dalida returned and said that I was painting the wrong valve and immediately corrected my mistake before going back to his previous work.

 I spent the whole day painting the said fire isolation valve. And was thinking that again I'm alone and will have deal with my situation single handedly.